WINNING WAYS – Insights for Constructive Living
by PAT IANNUZZI
In a small village near Tokyo there once lived a great Samurai, now old, who spent his days teaching Zen Buddhism to young people. One afternoon, a young warrior known for his strength and ferocity came to the village. This ambitious and impatient newcomer had never lost a fight and, learning of the Samurai’s fame, had come to challenge and defeat him in order to improve his own reputation.
The Samurai’s students urged him to avoid the young rival, but the old man, nonetheless, decided to accept the challenge. All gathered at the town square to witness the contest. The young warrior immediately began to disrespect the old master. He threw rocks at him, spat in his face and shouted every slur under the sun. He even cast insults at his ancestors. For hours, he did everything to provoke the great Samurai, but the old man remained expressionless and impassive. After a few hours, by now feeling exhausted, frustrated and a little humiliated by his inability to incite the old man, the impetuous warrior left town.
Disappointed that the master had taken so many insults and provocations but had not responded, his followers asked, “How could you bear such indignity? Why didn’t you use your sword, even knowing you might lose the fight, instead of displaying your cowardice in front of us all?”
The old Samurai reflected for a moment and then responded, “If someone offers you a gift but you do not accept it, to whom does the gift then belong?”
“To the person who tried to deliver it,” replied one of his disciples.
“The same goes for envy, anger and insults,” said the master. “When they are not accepted, they continue to belong to the one who said them.”
If we automatically respond to negative things other people say about us, we can sometimes allow ourselves to become unnecessarily diminished. Simply by responding to others’ critical comments, we may be giving those comments credibility when it is not merited. Furthermore, we may take others’ words personally when they may not have been intended to be.
Even for the young warrior in this story, it was really just business. He didn’t hold any personal animosity toward the old master; he just wanted to enhance his own reputation by beating him. The same is likely true of most of the negative comments that may be directed toward us.
Like the old Samurai, it’s important to keep our cool in the face of criticism because that’s when our judgment is the clearest and our power to handle challenging situations is the strongest. Also, if we take the things other people say too personally, we may wind up damaging our confidence and self-esteem, thereby decreasing our personal power.
Never let the derisive comments of others, whether intentional or unintentional, diminish you. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
Pat Iannuzzi of Symbiont Performance Group, Inc. is a performance consultant, trainer and coach focusing on selling, presentation and interpersonal skills. He lives in Litchfield and can be reached at 860-283-9963 or piannuzzi@symbiontnet.com.
